What do you see when you look at that picture? A lovely little girl? A nice beach? A picture of summer? Want to know what I see? A pending drowning scenario and possibly death. Cheery I know, and not a very “Summer Fun!” kind of attitude…but I am weary of my children and water. They don’t seem to mix….or they mix too well…I’m not sure which.
I am sitting here trying not to freak out that I have allowed Princess Pouty….my baby girl….to go on a beach play date. There are 3 kids and 2 adults. She is lathered in SPF 55 sunblock…she has a hat, sunglasses, t-shirt, change of clothes and 2 flotation devices that she is to wear at all times. Why? Because I have witnessed that girl go under twice….and she is lucky I do not put her in the tub with a bubble.
This is a huge play date for her and for me. For her because she is with a girl she has wanted to spend more time with….a girl she will go off to kindergarten with….and she feels so grown up to have gone off for an adventure without me. It is a huge play date for me because she is near water and I am not there. I am just about ready to breathe in to a paper bag. I don’t want to be one of those mothers that lets their child do nothing due to my crazy worry….but I really am counting the minutes until she is back. I may as well have sent her mountain climbing or sky diving.
I’ll let you know how she does and how I do in this afternoon of giving up a little control…..of truly pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I am plainly ill prepared for the teenage years. Though I am sure I’ll have moved on to some fairly powerful anxiety meds by then. I’m not even sure how much I am joking about that. I am far worse at letting go than I though…
It is now bedtime and Princess Pouty is all tubbied and tucked in bed. She had a glorious day and did not make it home until nearly 7pm. She snugged up to me after her tub and I thanked her for being so good….for listening…and coming home safe. She wrinkled her little nose and giggled…then looked at me wide eyed and asked: “When wasn’t I safe today?” I wasn’t sure how to answer with my crazy worst-case-scenario-mind so I wrapped her in her towel tight and told her I was not sure…but my heart is always happiest when she has a great day and comes home to me. What more is there to say?