Here we go……..

At long long last we met with the doctor.  I nearly forgot the appointment all together since my back issue sort of sucked a week of my life away.  I really was oblivious to the fact real time had passed.

Word Girl and I both adore her pediatrician so I knew this would be a good visit.  She gets my kids and bless her, she seems to get me too.  Yet I was still a little anxious.  When I looked at my fears, I realized I only had two.  Firstly that she would suggest we try other *stuff* before trying meds and secondly that she would put my kid on meds.  Yes you read that right.  Why?  Because I am terrified by doing too much or too little, I am going to screw up my kid.  Some more.  When I give her the first pill I guarantee that I will be terrified I just inflected brain damage.  Or killed her.  Or something.

I know my crazy.  I know how it works and feeds itself in to a frenzy.  I clearly remember that first time I thought “if this baby girl does not sleep I will loose my ever lovin mind.”  So I gave her some Benadryll and while she basked in peaceful slumber, I checked her breathing every 10 minutes.  I was certainly I’d over dosed her and would then have to explain my selfish actions.  Now while I have fewer of these concerns with Pouty  (except where water is involved) and lets face it Evel has found new ways to give me gray hair…..Word Girl is different.   By being the first she sets the starting bar of my anxiety with **new** things.  I noticed long ago I am harder and more worried for her on almost every level no matter how hard I try not to be.  Should I be in this same position with one of the others, I will loose far less sleep over it.  Word Girl gets the task of breaking me in (she also get more new new clothes than the others, so it seems sort of fair, cosmically speaking).

Oh…so…the meeting….   Luckily Word Girl was a little antsy about the appointment….just enough so allll her ADHD traits were pouring out.  She was a little twitchy….she shredded the paper on the exam table…she blurt talked….she was a little manic.   She made it very hard to forget that her behaviors….though individually mild…when they all come together, she can’t manage.  I can only image what some school days must really be like.   It made it very easy for me to feel we were making the right choice.

At one point we were left alone and she cuddled up to me…..this giant little girl…..my baby….who hates her “spinning head”……… and hated even more the 20 drops of her blood that they were coming get from her.   To distract her we played a few rounds of “Would you rather” (ie would you rather go to school in your under ware or have this blood test) and we laughed at the horrid things we came up with.  It was one of those odd times that I don’t think I’ll forget.  It reminded me I am not being selfish.  I can’t follow her every where telling her to calm down and focus.  I am not picking medication as an easy fix.  She is having SO much trouble figuring out her own thoughts and feelings.  It is effecting her ability to interact with her peers (girls are not that kind or forgiving and it KILLS me).    If there IS something that can help her, I am more resolved than ever to try it and not feel badly about doing it.  But yes…I will be checking her vital signs around the clock.  No matter how big she is…she is still my baby.

(By the way she is not going on any of the meds above but the chart made me laugh)