2.) Our Elf does not do anything very exciting. In fact he’s so lazy he frequently forgets to move. Now I’m hearing he is meant to be found in witty senarios like driving Barbie’s jeep or roasting marshmellows over a candle. There has also been mention of his performing acts of mischief…like messing up a room?? F*$% THAT. Sorry kids, when he does remember to get off his butt and move it is usually done 2 minutes after Mommy has nearly fallen asleep. There is no wit to be had, get over it.
3.) When a commercial comes on for a toy and the children turn to look at me all excited I say “Santa says NO” before they can utter a word.
4.) The Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes are gone already.
5.) The Holiday Oreos are gone already.
6.) Mommy says words they are not allowed to copy and smacks the Little Mermaid radio when that nice Little Drummer Boy song comes on.
7.) Mommy continues to ignore the amazing deals and prices at their favorite stores.
8.) Funny noises seem to come out of my nose when the kids daydream of Santa leaving them a puppy.
9.) Any time the children are sitting still to say, watch Rudolph or Frosty, and I am asked to join them I start checking their hair for lice.
10.) Mommy keeps saying there are TWO weeks until Christmas.