Do you have days where you just can’t figure out how you got to be a parent. That the concept of you as a person in charge of little people just seems about the stupidest thing the universe could of done? Today I may not require a write up to a State agency….but I seem very much like one of those absent-minded high school students. Texting, and snapping gum…sort of forgetting to feed the kids, trying to park my van like a bad first time driver and forgetting everything I’m supposed to be doing. Sadly no one is mistaking me for a young teenage au pair….and certainly no one is about to be throwing any money my way for my half baked job. I am not trying to beat myself up about anything…but I am not really in my crazy plodding forward groove. Nothing is going exactly badly…there is just no grace with my parenting. I feel like everything I do is half finished or in many cases half started in a more obvious, glaring way than normal. I am late responding to emails dealing with their activities. The kids talk to me and half way through the rambles I’m all “Wait what?” realizing I have not taken in one word. While I don’t feel the need to be perfect or “have it all together” I wish things felt a little less like flying by the seat of my pants….or that really I am 15 and the real parents will be home any second and I can get on with my other job of planning a kegger in the woods.
My plan is to take the high road….eat some cookie dough……put myself to bed early and cross my fingers that maybe early PMS is making me so spacey. But if I carry on in my cloud don’t be surprised if you hear I’m trying to pass myself off as friend of the family just here helping for the day……
